The Crazy Train

It’s about 4:45 in the morning on Monday, and I’m alone, sitting by the fire ring…only joined by the cicadas in the distance and a little moonlight.  Four of the boys have just left our experience, after only a couple of hours of restless sleep in the tent and a few hundred bug bites. 

I rose at my normal hour, expecting to find everyone fast asleep, but instead, saw four of the boys skulk by the camper window.  I was excited at first.  I really thought they had risen early and were getting ready to go fish, but in stepping outside with my coffee, found out otherwise. 

Nah, unfortunately no one had gotten appropriate sleep in the tent, and the youngest had just walked barefoot across the sticker infested campground and was now near tears standing before me, complaining of foot pain.  Um…yeah…I bet your feet DO hurt.  Maybe you should have grabbed those flip flops that were right by your bedside?  Or one of the eight pairs right outside the entrance to your tent?

That’s right.  We’ve been camping.  If you want to call it that.

I should probably explain.  We DO have A/C in both sleeping spaces, which happen to be a big ass tent and also a 19-foot hybrid camping trailer that Mike and I renovated at the beginning of the shutdown.  And we DO have a potty in the camper and also a nice shower that we tiled ourselves.  I love the outdoors, but it is essential to sleep in conditions that don’t produce sweat, and I have a daily shower routine that calms my soul.  Therefore, the potty and the shower are non-negotiables in my book. 

But being outdoors yesterday in 103-degree Texas heat the entire day, definitely qualifies this little experiment as “roughing it”. 

We’ve got three adults here:  Mike, myself, and Cade, his oldest son who is twenty.  And seven other children who range in age, 10 through 18.  Five of them boys, who stair step in age, and two girls, 10 and 18. Please don’t ask me for exact ages or birthdays. It’s too early in the morning for that kind of thought.

Everything is an experiment when you have eight children living in the house during the summer, especially in the middle of a societal shutdown.  We can’t go to the movies.  The grandparents can’t help out, as they usually do during these weeks.  Parks are shut.  Museums are closed.  We don’t have a pool at the house.  And we can’t visit the cousins nearby.

I won’t lie to you.  Sometimes it’s a little overwhelming.  Nothing ever goes as planned.  It doesn’t matter how hard we try to pack and plan, we’ve learned that the only option is to remain as relaxed as possible…without medication. I mean, we didn’t even make it a full 24 hours, before four of us decided to cut and run from this whole camping adventure. 

Should I just throw in the towel?  There are ten of them in my immediate presence, hanging over the chairs that sit empty around this conversation circle and fire ring.  I mean, I could easily light this sucker UP and toss them in one by one.  I’ve got everything I need.  OR should I just accept the inevitability of a little defeat and adjust my expectations, really.

Truth be told, Mike and I didn’t expect everyone to stay out here for the entire four days that we reserved.  That would have been silly.  We must have put over 30 hours into planning and prep, buying groceries, packing, and making it here without too much negativity.  But in any outing with all eight of the kids, you really must keep the bar low.  Place that sucker right above the ground and be able to just step easily over it successfully, your Achilles barely passing over, even scraping the top of the grass. 

Because you JUST never know. 

The ultimate goal is to remain positive and to hopefully provide a positive experience for everyone involved, not necessarily to do that for four days straight, because we’ve already been doing this for several years, and we realize that’s just impossible.  Instead, we tend to monitor and adjust to the present circumstances, try to make good decisions that benefit the majority, and make sure that the ONE child who is upset gets appropriate attention.  Notice that I said “appropriate” attention.  We don’t indulge every whim, whine or request, but I would think that it would be easy for them to feel a little lost in the shuffle, when there are many of those whims, whines and requests each and every day.

The boys took the Explorer and will arrive at our home in Round Rock in a little over an hour, and they know that they’ll be able to sleep in until midday, really.  Because “The Littles”, as I have affectionately named them, are still asleep in the camper right now, so there won’t be the same morning energy and sound that accompanies their usual wake-up call.  THAT energy is more than most of us can handle for the 15 hours that the two 10-year-olds are awake.  Even though they are opposite sexes, I’ve never seen two children engage in constant kinship, excited conversation and “brilliant ideas” like those two.  Truly.  They are step-siblings MADE for one another, brought together by Mike and I’s insanity, tolerance…love.  And HUMOR.

And it’s not just me who is stating this obvious advantage…sleeping in without Will and Milly rampaging through the house.  Oh no, the 20-year-old distinctly expressed this exact thought as he accepted my keys and turned to jump ship a few minutes ago. 

That makes me laugh.  Many things make me laugh about doing things such as this.  And I am constantly reminded that even amid my constant obsessive cleaning…most of the time, I am able to calm myself enough to notice the regular humor in it all, and the amazing realization that every outing creates colorful stories and yes, memories that we will each carry with us. 

We’ve still got a lot of groceries for the remainder of the days.  I’ve committed to staying out here with The Littles, throughout today, working from my laptop in the camper and swimming with them intermittently.  I suppose the four boys will miss our pancake breakfast that we’ve planned and purchased for, but there’s plenty of items to scrounge through at home.  I’m sure they won’t awaken until lunchtime, so I’m not sure I even need to worry about their breakfast.

Mike will likely ride back to Round Rock later today with my 18-year old daughter, who needs to start an online summer college course that she’s signed up for.  The class begins tomorrow, and I doubt that she brought her straightening iron and such, so she’ll need to have proper vanity space in order to get ready for the class.  Because even Zoom presence will require makeup and hair done.  I KNOW that chick. I don’t know where Evan will be today. He’s still asleep in the camper as well, so I suppose we will see where the wind blows him.

But I’m officially here for at least one more night.  While I like to pay attention to the little things that each of the kids need, I also need to listen to what I need.  And what THIS girl needs, is to NOT be within the walls of my home for a while.

This is no joking matter, really.  If I’ve sounded pretty chill and made you think that it’s incredibly natural for me to take everything as it comes, then let me expound for a bit.  I DO often find humor in situations and look for positive outcomes, but I also have a tendency to try to control my environment, which often comes in the form of obsessing over clean countertops and floors…as if the crumbs that are scattered across each surface represent the undoing of my sanity.  Strewn about, and unnoticed by ALL.  Kicked around with each step by oblivious teens, as they hold their phones and snap selfies while Nerf bullets pepper their path before them. 

Oops.  Did I just let you in?  Did I let on that the messes that I constantly clean tend to build a little RESENTMENT?  Well, if so, then just know that I speak the truth.  I trust you.  There are plenty of laughs, but there is also anxiety that I face every time I leave my bedroom. 

My first Dyson vacuum cleaner was a present to MYSELF that first summer together.  And I also had a smaller cordless hard floor vac that sat in the corner of the kitchen.  AND a handheld Dustbuster ready and waiting in the laundry room.  You see, The Littles were only six at the time, and I had to try to delegate my madness, making it as easy as possible for them to suck up any Cocoa Pebbles that escaped their bowls, because if I saw them on the granite, or God Forbid, if I felt them crunch beneath my feet…it was just a countdown to having to go to my closet and begin some deep-breathing exercises.  Because in those days, The Littles entered without knocking, so I’d lock the bathroom door and hunker down in the closet for a few minutes.

All of the children know me pretty well by now.  They understand my expectations, and they also understand when I’m in cleaning mode, where I tend to enter a room, not even engage in eye contact with others, and start straightening couch pillows and folding throw blankets.  It can be a little bit of a problem.  At least I know this, so it’s important for me to consistently check in with myself and ask a few important questions.  Are my expectations too much?  Am I asking for help?  AND, am I focusing more on the mess than the children?

So, today?  I’ll focus on whatever children are still here joining us at this campsite.  Just how many is THAT?  I think it’s four of them, but I suppose I’ll know for sure once the sun comes up.  We’ve got plenty of food, because last night I drove off with the propane in the back of the Explorer…right when Mike was about to begin cooking dinner on the camp stove.  By the time I saw his text and returned his call, he was already in the line at the drive through at the McDonald’s in the nearby town.  Ha!  Yep, that was unplanned, but each child ordered whatever they wanted and brought it back to the campsite to eat around the fire.  And then we had s’mores, so it’s official, folks…WE WENT CAMPING.

Home, sweet home may come more sooner, than later for this city chick.  It’s wonderful to be out of my usual environment, but I’m not sure how long we will all last.  I’ve got really fine coffee, my favorite creamer, and I still slept on memory foam last night, so all in all…not too bad a night. 

Mike and I truly understand that not everyone does what we do.  We accepted these challenges from the get-go, consciously deciding that it wouldn’t be too much for either one of us.  I suppose it’s a really good thing that I spent time as a middle school and high school choir director, and Mike spent his 20’s and early 30’s as a church youth director.  We are Camp Counselors during the summer.  I try to be relaxed and funny, but I’m also the introverted Custodian who relishes when they all go to sleep…so that I can clean and organize our spaces, preparing for the new day ahead.

I can’t really say that “we were made for this shit”, but of the many people I know…we may be the only couple crazy enough to undertake such things.  If you come and visit us, just get ready to ride our Crazy Train.

If I haven’t come unhinged yet, I’m pretty sure I can handle whatever comes our way.  Spontaneity rules and love conquers all. 

Crazy, crazy love.